Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Plenty car enough for never coming back...

So, yesterday was the day. Christmas day came and went and as always, it never lives up to the build up that I create for it in my head. This has been the way it has gone for much of my adult life. Divorce and whatnot really fuck all of that up. Knowing that I will never really have "that" life with my kids is a hard pill to swallow. I do the best I can, but that is never enough. Between my two ex's, I much prefer to deal with Garrett's mom. She at least seems to have a genuine concern for my well being...which is appreciated. Anna's mom makes me want to lay on a table saw. She's a difficult woman to deal with, so much so that I often say, "best $575 I ever spent" (the cost for an uncontested divorce, btw). But, the day had some good points. Giving Mica her presents was happiness for me. I love to give...I try to be the "king of Christmas"...a title that I have retained for 3 years in a row, now. Then we watched 3 straight runs of "A Christmas Story" and then realized that we were totally living vicariously through it. We got depressed and I suggested that we go see a movie. We went and saw "Juno", which I actually really liked. It did make me a little sad that I never had that rush of the water breaking and the total unknown of things. Both of my children we born on a schedule...which really was probably for the best, but still...it would have been sort of neat to haul ass to the hospital with a baby trying to exit the vagina in the seat next to me. That movie made me realize some things, though...I have to let go of the dream of an "normal" family. That is gone, gone, gone. At this point in my life, I just have to take things as they come and hope that I make good choices. As long as my kids are happy, I am happy...and they seem pretty damn happy most of the time. And I have my own happiness. Mica, while relishing her role as the Contrary Mary in my life, is very awesome. I have a job that can be as shitty or as awesome as I want it to be. I have good friends that are there for me and I have a dog. That ain't so bad. That's pretty goddamned good, really. Fuck yeah.

So, it's picture time. Garrett in the tub. I risked my camera for some of these, since he was splashing quite a bit.





And Anna loves her daddy. I don't care what anyone says to the contrary...

1 comment:

raspberrytoast said...

Merry Christmas, lover!