Plenty car enough for never coming back...

So, yesterday was the day. Christmas day came and went and as always, it never lives up to the build up that I create for it in my head. This has been the way it has gone for much of my adult life. Divorce and whatnot really fuck all of that up. Knowing that I will never really have "that" life with my kids is a hard pill to swallow. I do the best I can, but that is never enough. Between my two ex's, I much prefer to deal with Garrett's mom. She at least seems to have a genuine concern for my well being...which is appreciated. Anna's mom makes me want to lay on a table saw. She's a difficult woman to deal with, so much so that I often say, "best $575 I ever spent" (the cost for an uncontested divorce, btw). But, the day had some good points. Giving Mica her presents was happiness for me. I love to give...I try to be the "king of Christmas"...a title that I have retained for 3 years in a row, now. Then we watched 3 straight runs of "A Christmas Story" and then realized that we were totally living vicariously through it. We got depressed and I suggested that we go see a movie. We went and saw "Juno", which I actually really liked. It did make me a little sad that I never had that rush of the water breaking and the total unknown of things. Both of my children we born on a schedule...which really was probably for the best, but still...it would have been sort of neat to haul ass to the hospital with a baby trying to exit the vagina in the seat next to me. That movie made me realize some things, though...I have to let go of the dream of an "normal" family. That is gone, gone, gone. At this point in my life, I just have to take things as they come and hope that I make good choices. As long as my kids are happy, I am happy...and they seem pretty damn happy most of the time. And I have my own happiness. Mica, while relishing her role as the Contrary Mary in my life, is very awesome. I have a job that can be as shitty or as awesome as I want it to be. I have good friends that are there for me and I have a dog. That ain't so bad. That's pretty goddamned good, really. Fuck yeah.

So, it's picture time. Garrett in the tub. I risked my camera for some of these, since he was splashing quite a bit.





And Anna loves her daddy. I don't care what anyone says to the contrary...

Company mandated seafood and shipping boxes.

Friday night, the company that I work for had their "end of year celebration" which is code for "Christmas party". Due to rules and regulations, they can't call it that. But I am calling it that. We met downtown and I ran into Anna in the Square, which was awesome. She was down there with her girl scout troop to do some caroling. She stopped the manic running about long enough for me to take her picture in front of the tree. She's looking more and more like her mom...


Mica went with me and was dressed waaaaay nicer than I was. She looked stunning, actually. I looked like a...well...a washed up 32 year old BMX'er. Sweet as!


While the kids were caroling, I took a picture of the group. See if you can spot the reasons why the file name of this pic is "fuckinghilarious.jpg"...


Anyways, the seafood that we had was really good, but it was not so good on my stomach later on. I am getting all old and shit. Nothing sits well on my stomach anymore. The ladies at Anna's after school care were all, "you look like you are losing a lot of weight. You should eat more." I tried. And I felt like I was gonna die a little. I actually think I could maybe stand to lose 10 more pounds. Just 10. But I might need a haircut...


My mom sent presents via UPS the other day and I let Garrett have the box she used for shipping, since it was huge. He loves it. Kids need less toys and more boxes, I think. I don't want to be a materialistic asshole role model for my son. Hopefully, I am not. I think I am raising him okay...


Anyways, Merry Christmas. If you get a chance, check out "Don't shoot me Santa" by The Killers. It is my new all time favorite Christmas song.

I has a burrito.

I didn't have time to grab breakfast this morning at the house. My son jabs and kicks me while I try to sleep at night lately, so I am not getting enough rest and thus wind up a little scattered in the morning. So when I got to work, I decided to make a breakfast run. I chose the McDonald's down the road and went with their McFatty Fat Face breakfast burrito.



McDonald's offerings pale in comparison to the stuff that Hardee's pushes out there, but this one is close to stepping up. I ate the whole thing (it didn't look that big, but apparently, was filled with enough fat to keep a family of polar bears warm for winter) and I totally regret it. I wasn't even that tasty, but I felt like I should choke it down for science. Now it feels like it has left an impenetrable film on my teeth. My mood feels different. Whereas before the feast I was full of anger and fire, I now find myself sluggish and unmotivated. Not even the giant coffee that I got with the burrito is putting a dent in my lethargy.

Verdict- NO. I will not be getting anything like this ever again. From anywhere.

My feet can't take the weight of one...much less two.

Man, the stuff I do for my kids. I'll just go ahead and say it...I am the most awesome dad in the universe. I do more with less than anyone that has ever lived. Ever. Not even the richest oil baron's kids would disagree with this statement. For my daughter's birthday, I decided to redo her room a little. This is how it sort of looked before...


Of course, I had already started taking things apart when I remembered that I wanted to document how awesome I am, thus the mattress already being gone, but you get the picture. This is what we wound up with at the end...


Yeah, that's right. A loft bed. A computer. A desk. A dresser. Praise me. What you can't tell in that picture is that I got her a rad lamp, too and that I cleaned her room.

Her birthday party was this past Saturday. As is usually the case with parties directed by her mom, I am relegated to a background role. People ask me "and who are you?" Just her dad. It's okay, except for the fact that I am always behind the lens so there is no documentation that I am actually at these functions. Ah well...to hell with it. Here are the pics...





This one will get me in trouble with Mica...



They had a pirate pinata that got blasted in half by a crazy little girl there. I mean she frigging destroyed that thing.

We were celebrating Raven's birthday, too.

Anna's mom has a rad dog...

Anna flying the Roger...

The kid was stoked to get Matilda, it would seem...


And on an unrelated to anything note...I bought this snow globe back when Anna's mom and I were still together. Actually, I might have bought it before then...but somehow she ended up with it. And seems to like to taunt me with the fact that she has it. One day, I am gonna steal it.


So, there you have it. The most photo intensive blog post I have ever made. Jeebus.

I sent Corey a picture of my balls this morning.

For his birthday. The caption read, "go nuts on your birthday". Last night we met up at Big Ed's Pizza and celebrated the birthday of the C-Mac. His parents bought the pizza which was greasy as all hell and delicious. Take a look at that!


Mica wasn't feeling good and almost killed me in order to actually eat me.


Cooler heads and all that rot.

Here's the birthday boy. Let me tell you 'bout my best friend!


The establishment itself is neat. Total hole in the wall type place, but it has been there forever and they have awesome pizza. Cash or check only. That's just how they roll.


On the way back I got lost. Mica used hippie karma magic to get us back on track, though.

The night before we went to the Christmas parade/First Friday. I froze, but the kids had a rad time. Santa was a little late, but got there just the same. We checked out some art, too. Garrett was sort of nonplussed about it.


Anna and Ocean got glow in the dark bracelets somehow. I am going to pretend that they were free. I think maybe they were. No idea.


Mica was a little under the weather but had enough energy to not get me any coffee.


All in all, it was a fun weekend. Got some shopping started, bought myself a Brita water filter and had awesome pizza. Let's get awesome.

Seasons Greetings...and I want cookies.

The tree is up. The lights are up. The stockings are up. I haven't bought a single godddamned gift yet. I will, though. It was a little odd this year because of the circumstances that exist in my life thanks to the events of 2007, but nonetheless, I am determined to have a good Christmas this year. Even though I won't have my kids on Christmas morning, I am still going all out with the cheer. I love Christmas. I love cookies. I love the smell of a fake tree in my living room. Most of all, though, I love buying shit for people. I just get this buzz about going to the store and getting rad stuff for the people that I love. Also, I have a feeling it is actually gonna snow this winter. I have nothing to base that on, just a hunch.

My great smelling (fake) tree!


My son eats with no shirt on. He's a big fan of "Rescue Me"...


Anna loves Pier One. Not really, but she wanted to hold the catalog up to let us all know how materialistic she really is. But we already know...

Stay hungry, stay humble.

I find it easy to stay humble, but the staying hungry part is hard for me. I wish I had the drive that I used to have, but right now, I just don't. This is pretty much a work thing...I just don't feel that push to get better. I wish I did, but I just don't feel inspired by my leader. Weird, huh? Anyways, I took some pics the other day. This one of Corey I like because of the colors...



and this one of Mica is nice just because it is...



I think I am gonna make the trip to Austin, TX after the new year. Somehow. I need to see my nephew. He needs to meet his uncle Stephen.

KIDS...

Garrett!



Anna looking the part...

I clean forgot how to play.

Hey there. I find myself at a crossroads in my life once again...for a man of only 32, I sure have found myself in some messy stuff. Some of it I created, some of it dropped out of the sky and hit me. Either way, I have tried to handle everything with minimal help from others. For some reason I shoulder the load myself and always have. I am not trying to martyr myself at all...it just works out this way.

Right now, I am sitting at my desk while watching my son play with a Matchbox car. My daughter is in the living room watching either Hannah Montana or The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Dinner was some Hamburger Helper (shocking, I know) and everyone seems pretty happy with things. Even my dog is happy. I'll get there, I guess. The holidays are coming and that usually gets me going.

Pics...

Just me looking at you...


Garrett is a ham. He loves the damn camera...


Anna chills like no other 6 year old I have ever met...

Deerdong Express

Life has been weird and hard and odd. Things that should be easy aren't. I wake up every morning cold and alone. The floor is hard and it's chill is unforgiving. My feet hit it and beg me to get to the shower. My coffee gets made and drank and I just sort of stare blankly at things until it is time to depart. Work, rinse and repeat.

But, I press on. And I take pictures of things that are uncomplicated and happy.

My son in a tub with bubbles...


My daughter on Halloween as a pirate...


My sister's new additions, Gracie and Ella...


Today I rode bikes with Corey. Taking BMX pics makes me feel alright...



Corey took a pic of me doing a wallride. I have been so scared of this wall, but I got it done...


And I just like this one for some reason. The light, I guess...