Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I feel sluggish right now. You know how when you have a dream about being in a fight and no matter how hard you try, it feels like you are throwing punches under water? That is me today. I feel sort of depressed. The Tuesday meeting we had at work sort of got the ball rolling for me. I worry about my job security as a result. Not because I do a bad job, but because the assholes in the midwest region do more than we do with less people and it makes the east region look bad. It is a shitty feeling. I am worrying about everything right now. I miss my son. He was so happy when I dropped him off yesterday...it hurts me to not be with him. He had an ear infection for so long and it made him miserable and miserable to be around, but now he is better and so close to doing some really awesome things...and I know that I am going to miss some of those things. Divorce and the like really suck ass when there are kids involved. It makes you bitter about life. When the custody is split like this you get time "off" from the kids, which is cool, but it also creates this guilt (at least for me) that you are "enjoying" the time without your kids. I have no idea how to handle myself at this point in my life. When I was 25 I thought I had it all figured out. Then it got taken apart. When I was 30 I thought I had it all together, then it got taken apart. Now I am 32 and I have no idea what the fuck I am doing. Everything is a little disjointed right now. I need to figure this out.