Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Anthem for the summer that was lost

I rode my bike for the first time in a little bit last night. Right off the bat I took a stem to my knee and it hurt something fierce. Something hurt more than that, though...something that I have known was coming but was sort of hoping would not bother me if I just ignored it. My age is starting to get to me. I can feel it when I ride...my reaction time feels off...a step slow. Maybe it is all the weight that I lost that also robbed me of my strength, but I can't help but think that at age 32, I am just deteriorating. I am becoming less and less with every day that passes.

So much has gone wonky for me of late. My boyfriend ability has gone out the window as things in my past have surfaced and decided to cause strife within me. This coupled with my child situation have put stresses on me that I am sort of struggling to keep a handle on, presently. I know I just need to relax and set this stuff down, but that is easier said than done, I think. So much is on me...bill collectors calling...that damn ring...Christmas approaching...messy house...I don't have the energy or the will to take care of this stuff right now. I feel very much like I am in the middle of a big sea with no boat or land in sight. I am not looking for someone to save me, though. I want to just see something that I can swim towards.

I need to stop this shit where I fill my life with stuff in an attempt to make myself happy. Things are owning me.

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